I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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