all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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