we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
