Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
