i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
