He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
