He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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