Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
