I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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