i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
