i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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