You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
