I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
