oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
