I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
