Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
