goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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