Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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