Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize