so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
