THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
