it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
