why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
