shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont even know how to be here
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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