Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
