Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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