Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
