I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
