Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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