The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
