I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We don't watch enough power rangers
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
