um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
