Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
