I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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