Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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