my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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