My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
PANTIES FOUND
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
