I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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