I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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