I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
