I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
