I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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