Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
