Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
