Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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