just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
