drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize