I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
