The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The Olympian is in my bed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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