come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
