You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
