If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You ruined the universe
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
