I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
