More tranny stories later!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
