i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
