i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
