Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize