judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
