Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
