just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
