Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she woke up with a sticky ear
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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