U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
