Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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