so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize