you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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