I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
