Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize