did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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