I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
