come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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