don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
