my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
