Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
