..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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