Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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