How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
