Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
