He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can Purell be used as lube?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
