his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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