Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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