Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
