I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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