All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
