the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
