Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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