Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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