...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
