all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
