Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm at about main and main street
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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