Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
