Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize